All day today I’ve had the tightness in my chest return. Ever since I opened my eyes, ended the dreams and forced myself awake all I’ve felt is constriction. My chest is the worst; the pain makes it hard to breathe. The tightness in my muscles makes me not want to move. My head is spinning and aching. The nausea is unbearable.

I am a mess today.

But tomorrow I have to pull myself together. I have to start my new job and I have to prove my strength.

I have to make him think I’m just fine. Ever since Saturday night all I feel is fear. Fear of losing him. In the past, I could do no wrong. I never got in trouble. Now I feel like every move I make is the wrong one. I walk on eggshells, try and filter my thoughts, all to make sure he doesn’t hate me.

The only good thing that will come of this is the weight loss that always accompanies the constant anxiety.

For now, its just another night of crying myself to sleep.